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A Big Test.

We were waiting in the speech therapy kids waiting area this morning. When the therapist arrived I looked back to pick up Emerson. Just then, puke everywhere. Out of the mouth. Out of the nose. Everywhere. 

But I didn’t panic. Odd for me. With the vomiting fear I have you’d think I would be running for the hills. Instead, I was a father. Tears running down his face. Sobbing. Scared. All I cared about was him. Was he okay? I wanted to clean him up, calm him down, and get him home. That’s it. I didn’t think about the stomach flu. I didn’t think about whether I was going to get sick from touching him. I just thought about him.

That’s how it should be. I am a father. I come second. My fears pushed aside, that is my focus. 

Is my fear still there? Yes, it is. Lurking in the shadows like a thief. Ready at any moment to come and try to snatch away my mind. I need to keep it in the shadows and make sure it doesn’t see the light of day. 

Of course I did some research online, but not about stomach flu. Instead, it was about side effects of the medication he is on. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that this was an isolated incident brought on by antibiotics and drainage from his sinuses (he either has a cold or seasonal allergies). Nothing more. That thinking is helping me because, for one of the first times, I am thinking logically and clearly. I’m not jumping to the “stomach flu” conclusion. Instead I’m doing what I do on a daily basis with work: I’m thinking things through. 

Now that we are entering spring and I can put another winter season behind me, I have to say this has been one of the best winters. I’ve turned a corner dealing with my phobia. It’s still there just not as strong. Maybe my new year’s resolution of growing up physically, emotionally, professionally, and spiritually, is working? All I know is I feel good and I’m hopeful. That’s all that matters.